Joyless or Joyful

This weekend was a whirlwind of a thousand little things. Somewhere in the middle of it all, I tried to make time for my son to spend time with a friend.

At first it was just normal kid logistics.
Should the friend come here?
Should my son go there?

While figuring it out, my son was on the phone with his friend. The friend asked his dad if my son could come over.

The dad didn’t realize my son could hear the conversation.

And then he said it.

“Why do you even hang out with him? He’s not one of your best friends.”

Let me pause there.

These boys have known each other since K5. Years of school, years of growing up together, and a grown man thought nothing of saying that while a 12-year-old child could hear.

My son was hurt. Of course he was.

So I did what moms do. I went into damage control. I told him maybe it was best if we just skipped getting together this weekend. I offered other things to do and tried to redirect the moment.

But it didn’t end there.

The next day, Saturday, was extremely busy. Later in the afternoon I got a text and call from the same friend asking if he could come over. I checked with my son and told him the friend could come later that evening.

Everything seemed fine.

Until around 5 pm.

My son came to me and asked me to look at a text message.

It was a conversation between the friend and his own father.

And there it was again.

The father called my son a joke.

Then went a step further and said my husband and I were jokes too.

My son saw it.

Imagine being twelve years old and reading that an adult thinks you are a joke.

He was devastated. And yes, so was I.

I sent the screenshot to the boy’s mother and asked her to please make sure her son does not contact mine again.

There has been no apology.

No acknowledgment.

Instead, social media blocks and silence.

And it leaves me asking a serious question.

At what point in society did adults start bullying children?

I’m 51 years old. Many of the parents of kids my son’s age are much younger. I have always been the mom who does the inviting so my son has opportunities to socialize.

In return?

Mostly crickets.

I see the same group of boys getting together, doing things, making plans. My son knows them.

But he is rarely included.

If it were not for his youth group at church, he would honestly have almost no social life.

And even within family circles he has had to endure the same thing — being ignored or left out.

People say kids are cruel.

But sometimes the cruelty is being modeled by adults.

Belittling children is not okay.

Excluding children is not okay.

And hearing a grown adult insult you is something a child should never have to experience.

I am raising my son to have compassion.

But compassion does not mean being a doormat.

Learning how to navigate being left out is hard enough for an adult. For a child it can feel like the entire world is rejecting you.

Parents wonder why so many kids today struggle with anxiety, depression, and self-worth.

It isn’t always social media.

Sometimes it’s the simple fact that kindness, respect, and empathy are no longer being taught at home.

A grown adult should never speak about a child the way this man did.

Ever.

So from this moment forward, I will protect the emotional wellbeing of my child at all costs.

There is an older version of me that I have worked very hard to keep quiet and controlled.

But make no mistake.

When it comes to my children, that part of me will always stand up when it matters.

Because there is nothing in this world I would not do to protect them.

Not now.

Not ever.